Mcbusted... A lot of everything.

So the long awaited day has arrived and I can finally listen to the greatest combination of bands ever.. or so I thought.

Now separately I was a massive fan of Busted and McFly, really I was always more of a galaxy defender, however when I heard 'Air Guitar' I did allow myself to believe that this would really work!
Now I am not so sure, yeah its a genius idea I just don't think it worked as well as it could have.

The influence of Blink 182 is abundantly obvious, some tracks such as 'Air guitar' and 'Riding my bike' have the feel of Mcfly and a more pop essence, which I actually really enjoyed. However some songs such as 'Hate Your Guts' just didn't do it for me, I am all for bands trying new things I just felt the influence of the more pop Mcfly and the new (without Charlie) Busted just didn't mesh well and at times during most songs I found myself feeling like I was listening to two very different bands doing one song. I mean there was even some Son of Dork in there and really... we all know why that didn't last. It wasn't as cohesive as I expected and honestly there are a few diamond songs on there and I am sure the album will do well off the back of old Busted fanatics and Galaxy defenders..

I don't know about you, but i'm feeling 21

okay so I might be a year early for the Taylor Swift song, but today I am a internationally recognised adult...
It's somewhat strange to think that I am old enough to do everything, everywhere. I am not a birthday person, a whole day where people focus on me is not an attractive concept. I have however decided that I do like the idea that I have a whole year of extra wisdom. I don't feel 21 in fact I still feel 16 at heart.

I suppose thanking my mum is really what I should be doing today, I mean my part was easy she is the one who did the hard part. So I suppose thanks mum, for bringing me into the world 21 years ago today all I have done to deserve this celebration is last all these years.
So in true style I am going to drink and probably make a fool of myself because well, tomorrow im going to start being an adult...

Yeah right!

Why I chose to study English Lit and American Studies

I have been asked by family and friends many questions about my choice of course at university, mainly why American Studies if you want to work in publishing?
Here I am answering that question, choosing English literature was pretty normal to those who know me well, from a VERY young age I have always been fascinated by books and the idea of delving into a world somebody else has created.
I will be studying work from medieval time periods all the way to contemporary works, this nicely links in with the career I hope to have when I eventually finish! It gives me an all around view of literature through the ages. I have always been fascinated by work that pushes the boundaries of what was expected of those in their own time periods. Females that wrote about empowerment in times when they were expected to look pretty and cook for their husbands, when a male writes from the perspective of a female and visa versa.
But the question I get second to 'what is American studies?' is Why? This I think I can nicely sum up in a few short words.
I decided to take American Studies for the pure fact that it is an all around subject, there is politics, foreign policy, arts and culture and mostly history. Very much like I enjoy delving into the imaginations of others in books I find myself questioning the choices of others VERY frequently. With this subject I get to see the stark contrast of life in the UK and life in the US, not just from the perspective of those that run the country but those who make the country. The ordinary folks, those who chose to sit at the front of the bus, those who saw the pain inflicted on different races and never did anything about it. I want to know more about what makes America this idealistic place, Americans.

So it did not really end up being only a few short words, but then I never really was one to stop myself from talking and I don't think I ever will be.

Staying sain

There is a LOT going on, I have never been much of a list maker but recently all I seem to be doing is checking things off of numerous amounts of lists.
The thing that I never liked about lists is that I always seem to be adding things onto the end, therefore the list becomes never ending.
Normally moving to university would mean packing up all of the things that you want to take whatever you want with you, my family however decided that they wanted to move and this just so happened to fall the day before I move. So I find myself making lists of things to take to uni and things that need to go to the new house.
-------- Moved to uni --------

Okay so I am finishing this blog post while sat in my brand new room, I have awesome flat mates and really, even though its only been 2 days... I have really good feelings about being here and what the next 3 years are going to hold for me!
I know when I started this post I was not being the nicest about lists, however they must work as I did not forget a single thing.
Even though I do still find myself wanting to get a few bits to make it more like home and forgetting to get mayo for my tuna, I do feel like I am where I need to be.

I am finding myself scared of what is going to happen when the real work starts, but right now I am just making the most of the time that I have without any work to do and having the best experience before I am up to my eyeballs in English Lit and American Studies. 

The pitter patter of tiny feet

There are a lot of pregnancy announcements and tiny babies being born into my family at the moment. I can not say this is making me broody I am however a HUGE fan of cute babies that you give back at the end of the day!

This has however awoke something inside me that means I find myself spending lots and lots of time  in the baby clothes sections 'oooing' and 'awwing' at the tiny socks, shoes and oh... THE HEADBANDS.
Not being a 'baby' person for about 20 out of the almost 21 years I have been on this planet seems to have changed, and rather rapidly. About 6 months ago I found out that I was going to be an aunty, this caused a wave of emotion that really I wasn't expecting. I am very much like my mother and find it hard to show affection, however since my niece is due in just over a week I find myself excited to cuddle her and I think I am going to be that cool aunt who gives her sweets and sugar before she goes home :)

So it begins...

I recently, to the shock of myself and many people who know me found myself accepted into my first choice university. This obviously was something that I planned to be super stoked about, however it's now only 22 days until I move in and I have found myself already getting homesick... I haven't even left yet.

I am enjoying the obligatory shopping trips, new stationary (which is one of my favourite things...) pots and pans, yes I have bought pots and pans. But as the day draws closer my nerves and fear of leaving everything and everyone I know behind is becoming increasingly daunting.
I have always been very dependent on my mum, and regardless of her lack of comforting ways (she isn't a hugger) she is always there if I decide I need to latch onto her. Independence is scary whatever the reason for it may be, but in some ways I am excited to not only be in a COMPLETELY new place but with new people and studying something I am genuinely interested in.

So these blog posts may be a little scarce, not like they aren't already but im currently spending as much time with the people I wont be seeing before I have to lose Peter Pan syndrome, leave neverland and finally grow up.  

Soul mates?

I never really believed in the concept of a 'soul mate' the idea that someone out there is a perfect match for you. I still feel this way, however I do feel like I have found someone that could constitute the use of the term 'soul mate'. This person however isn't the love of my life, the person I am going to marry or even fall for. The soul mate that I was taught about when I was younger is not the one I found. I met someone who gets me, compliments my personality, debates with me, tells me im wrong and goes along with my stupid ideas because, well its fun being around each other. The label of our relationship is 'best friend' I thought that I had known what a best friend was until my 'best soul friend' walked into my life. When I personally think of a best friend I think of someone who has been around for years and years. However in the last year I have realised that time has no meaning because we can spend hours on the phone, watching movies and just generally having a giggle.

Birthday fun!! 

I see this girl in my life for the tough and exciting years in my future and I look forward to getting older and making more memories for us to reminisce about when we are grey and bitter. She is the one person I can tell everything to without fear of judgement and assurance of a warm shoulder to lean on. My soul mate wasn't what I expected but she sure is what I need.  

Trying to get things done

Procrastination- The action of delaying or postponing something.
This word seems to be the only thing in the dictionary in my brain, and the only one I seem to comprehend.
I am constantly battling the voice inside my head that tells me 'do it later' even this ironic blog post is preventing me from studying for my impending doom exams.
What seems to be hilarious about this situation is the excuses I use to justify this...

'Oh damn there aren't any cupcakes in the house... better bake some.' 
'I need to ensure that I am organised so if the zombie apocalypse happens tonight i'm prepared'
'I really must clean my room in case Rupert Grint decides he loves me and wants to come over' 
'Its okay I am going to be a famous singer anyway' 

All of these things however unlikely they may be.. I really can bake! Give me a reason to avoid the unavoidable. We go through life making excuses not to do things, things that may turn out to provide us with great memories, exciting stories or even just the grades to achieve great things.

I am feeling super thankful today

I looked around and realised how frequently I don't thank those around me, well for staying with me.
Though sometimes I do or say stupid things, the people that are still here seem to take me and my lack of brain-mouth connection in their stride.

I am thankful for my mother, who without fail will tell me a boy isn't good enough to waste my tears on. She will put up with my constant singing (most of the time), she goes along with my ideas without questioning even if they are stupid.

I am thankful for my father who is the most kind hearted, gentle man I know and his support of my endeavors even if he knows that they are likely to fail. I am thankful for our shared TV taste and his patience when I want to watch trashy 'reality' shows.

I am grateful to my brother who taught me how to be a stronger person, he also taught me its okay to be a nerd and that life is so much more than what it seems to be. He is the person I look to when im trying to figure things out.

And finally my sister, I am thankful for every single part of her, I am grateful for her shoulder to cry on, even her horrible seal laugh because these moments when we burst out laughing randomly because nobody else is in on the joke are what life is about. I am thankful because even though I am older she teaches me so much about myself every single day and even when we are screaming at each other I am thankful that she loves me enough to even bother getting mad.

And I am thankful for my friends because without them I wouldn't have anyone to complain about my family to. They force me out of my bedroom and into social situations which better me as a person.

my dad

My dad is 57 today and this is my way of showing him that he is the most kind, gentle, funny and selfless man I think I will ever know. He is the only man I know that loves me for all of my flaws and will continue to forever. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD. 

You taught me how to stand my ground,
and when it was right to leave,

you picked me up when I fell down,

you're the other half of me. 

You taught me how to ride a bike, 

and how to use my feet,

cars, planes and railway trains,

you're the other half of me. 

You held me when I would cry,
danced for all the happy times,

you love me unconditionally,

dad, thanks for being the other half of me. 

How to be sick

Its not often that I find myself truly sick, however I have recently found myself struck by tonsillitis twice in two months. This has shown me a pattern of things I seem to do when I am sick.

1. Moaning constantly, I have discovered that the more I moan the better I feel as all of the healthy people in my house MUST know just how sick I really am. Going alongside this I must say that I think I am dying at least once a day.

2. Drinking water, I cannot normally stand the taste of water but what I have discovered is that all I seem to do when sick is drink the stuff. Maybe this is because I cant do much else.

3. I'm not sure if this is a general thing and I really doubt it is but when I am sick I find myself watching a worrying amount of animal documentaries. I don't know why this seems to happen but nevertheless it does and im not complaining I mean what better than to learn about the mating habits of lions while sick.

4. sweat A LOT. Being under my duvet means that I am basically in a furnace that is slowly draining me of all of my fluids, however as soon as I remove it I find myself covered in goosebumps and the constant shivers. I am very much like Goldilocks and must have everything 'just right'.

5. Fear fresh air, with fresh air comes sunlight and very much like the fictional vampires the idea of sunlight when I am sick is one of terror. In my mind the safest place to be is locked up in my bed with a duvet and closed curtains. I realise that not everybody has the ability to stay in bed, you know responsibility and stuff but I do know that regardless of that they wish they could!

Divergent

Recently I found myself at the cinema watching this movie, I went into this experience having not read the books and really with only watching the trailer once. However the hype around this movie and the love of the books that so many people had expressed did intrigue me. I find that when you go into a movie with expectations that high that it never really does justice, however reminding you that I have not yet read the books this movie has me hooked. I fully intend to read them, one of the most interesting things about this story is that it was created by someone who was the same age as me when it was written. I know that even though I have a keen interest in story telling I would not be capable of achieving what Veronica Roth has.

At times I did find the movie rather predictable but overall it kept me engaged and interested, this nowadays with the amount of similar books such as The Hunger Games which I certainly could see a clear comparison with I still saw that the elements that the story brought were new and innovative. The constant love then dislike of characters such as Caleb Prior left me wondering what my opinion would be at the end of the movie. I do believe that this book/movie has been greatly successful due to the era it has been released in where teenage audiences seem to be dominant within the literature and cinematic industry.

This movie I would say certainly appeals to a certain age range and had I been older or younger I feel that it may not have interested me as much as it did. Unfortunately this means that this movie may not be for everyone, and I also wonder as it is such a big brand in the US whether it really is going to take off here in the UK. The opening day certainly did not consist of long ques and full screens, however I do hope that people become more aware of it and go see it because it really is a good watch.

Speaking of the acting, I haven't really seen any previous work of the main characters played by Shailene Woodley or Theo James, I do however believe that they sold the story to me and as a huge fan of The Fault in Our Stars I am looking forward to seeing how Shailene takes on the polar opposite of Tris in her role as Hazel. Although after watching Divergent I am certain she will not disappoint and I will be picking up the books for a read and hope to see the other books in the trilogy made as well as this one was.

Fear.

Fear has become my biggest fear. This seemingly confusing statement has become one that I seem to be living my life by. Fear although abstract, holds the power to prevent wonderful things from happening, and lessons from being learnt.

Our biggest battles are against the enemies that we cannot see, the ones you don't see coming or can't ever seem to fight off.

Goodbyes suck, FACT.

I am a serious hater of saying goodbye, be it for a few hours, weeks, months, years or forever.
Unfortunately I am unlucky enough to be collateral damage of divorce, a side effect of divorce is saying goodbye. 

In my case its my sister and dad, I know its ridiculous to feel left behind when they leave but I can't seem to deal with it as well as I wish I could.
So every time they drive away, I force myself to feel okay. I tell myself that I will see them soon. Being on my own most of the time means having them around is something I get used to very quickly. I don't complain about living with my mum its brilliant but there is something about having your sister around to gossip with that you just cant replace.
My dad on the other hand is my comedic relief, he is who makes me laugh as soon as I need to.

Today I once again had to say goodbye for almost a month and I keep reminding myself that it is only just a month. That I am lucky enough to say that in 21 days I will be gossiping and laughing to my hearts content. 

The art of growing up

So I sent my youngest sister off to her first night out as a fully fledged adult. I know this seems sad but I spent my 18th drinking water and wondering what all the fuss was about. I do have to hand it to her she has grown up more than I ever thought possible recently. It seems that not only physiologically has she aged but mentally and more importantly she seems to have found something she loves and is finally being educated in it and we'll succeeding. Not many people including my cynical self thought that she would ever mature and achieve something and I'm  aware that is a horrid thing to say but she really was possibly one of the worst people for education. Me beings. School nut and loving the intake of knowledge meant I really didn't understand but now I think I do.

All I can say is that I know how much she hates me trying to mother her, but it is nothing but in my blood to ensure that she is safe, healthy and maybe now I realise most importantly HAPPY. A majority of the time I cannot stand her but I will always love her and want the best for her, seeing her grow up is terrifying but even though it may have been a little harder and certainly more troublesome than my transition to adulthood I could not be prouder of her.

Also the balloon's we used to keep her young were a reminder that even though she is eighteen now, she will always be childish when it comes to being goofy sisters, and well our mildly immature father. I wouldn't have them any other way, no really I wouldn't...

Lonely hearts what?

So I suppose its valentines day, and I mean I get the concept of it I just don't really partake in it. This is not due to the continuous single life I lead, and its not because im not a romantic (I enjoy a good love song) its just that I make a conscious effort to ALWAYS tell the special people in my life that I do love and appreciate them.
I do this with, cups of coffee, dinner after a long day at work, a simple hug or a few words of adoration. Not special valentines chocolate, flowers, teddy bears and cards. The things that show someone you love them are the things you don't need to think about.

So yes tell your loved ones how much you do love them, but remember that you should do that all the time, don't wait for a day to dictate that to you!

 

Is Twitter becoming a weapon?

I think that the idea of Twitter is actually brilliant, people getting to voice their opinions in 140 characters or less for the world to see instantly as you feel them. It is a great way to stay connected, however I think it is increasingly being used for the wrong things. Opinions arent being valued, and really it is hard to get your point across without being misconstrued in 140 characters, this has been more frequent recently. For example just as recently as this weekend Tyler Oakley a incredible person and advocate and part of the LBGT community felt the need to 'take a break' after voicing his opinions over a famous boy band members tweet. now whatever 'side' you may be on the response from fans was actually kind of disturbing, and reminded me that we live in a world where sending someone death threats is okay. This is to be honest a VERY extreme response to Tyler not agreeing with someone's opinion which to be honest was tweeted, again 140 characters is not enough to give anybody the right to judge someone especially to make threats on someones life, or insult them personally. Because honestly as much as we like to believe it, we do not know the people behind the keyboard, or in the movies, music videos or even on the YouTube channels.

Things I never got to say to you

I never got to tell you that everything you taught me made and is still making me a better person,

I never got to say that inside your hugs were my favorite place to be,

I never got the chance to tell you just how much I loved you,

I never got the chance to tell you that even though you have been gone for 7 years I still make sure I live in a way that would make you proud,

I never got to say Merry Christmas enough,

I never got to say happy 56th birthday nanny,

Ill never get to tell you that I miss the sound of your voice, every single waking moment. 

New years resolutions

New year, New me. Every single year without fail these words come out of most people's mouths and each year I believe that releasing these ideas into the universe means I have to achieve them. Still it seems that every year I succumb to the tradition of well... failing. This year I decided that if I happen to want to become healthier, focus on school or quit some bad habits I will do because it is time to and that I feel comfortable enough to try.
New years resolutions are meant improve the person you already are, which to me seems like something that you should strive to constantly do. The last number rising by one, is this really a valid reason to FINALLY decide to change something?
So not because the 13 is now a 14 but because I believe that I personally am ready to make these changes, I decided to set myself goals, not only to complete this year but hope to keep improving on for the rest of my life.

I've also decided that my 'new years resolutions' are going to be mainly about the enrichment of others, be kinder, help my mother out more, spend more time with my family, remind them I love them, become healthier because I want to be around to see my sister and brother get married and have children.
The world is also full of darkness and if smiling at strangers, holding doors open or using my manners give someone a reason to smile, I have helped to add a little bit of light into so much darkness then I have succeeded in 2014.