I am feeling super thankful today

I looked around and realised how frequently I don't thank those around me, well for staying with me.
Though sometimes I do or say stupid things, the people that are still here seem to take me and my lack of brain-mouth connection in their stride.

I am thankful for my mother, who without fail will tell me a boy isn't good enough to waste my tears on. She will put up with my constant singing (most of the time), she goes along with my ideas without questioning even if they are stupid.

I am thankful for my father who is the most kind hearted, gentle man I know and his support of my endeavors even if he knows that they are likely to fail. I am thankful for our shared TV taste and his patience when I want to watch trashy 'reality' shows.

I am grateful to my brother who taught me how to be a stronger person, he also taught me its okay to be a nerd and that life is so much more than what it seems to be. He is the person I look to when im trying to figure things out.

And finally my sister, I am thankful for every single part of her, I am grateful for her shoulder to cry on, even her horrible seal laugh because these moments when we burst out laughing randomly because nobody else is in on the joke are what life is about. I am thankful because even though I am older she teaches me so much about myself every single day and even when we are screaming at each other I am thankful that she loves me enough to even bother getting mad.

And I am thankful for my friends because without them I wouldn't have anyone to complain about my family to. They force me out of my bedroom and into social situations which better me as a person.

my dad

My dad is 57 today and this is my way of showing him that he is the most kind, gentle, funny and selfless man I think I will ever know. He is the only man I know that loves me for all of my flaws and will continue to forever. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD. 

You taught me how to stand my ground,
and when it was right to leave,

you picked me up when I fell down,

you're the other half of me. 

You taught me how to ride a bike, 

and how to use my feet,

cars, planes and railway trains,

you're the other half of me. 

You held me when I would cry,
danced for all the happy times,

you love me unconditionally,

dad, thanks for being the other half of me. 

How to be sick

Its not often that I find myself truly sick, however I have recently found myself struck by tonsillitis twice in two months. This has shown me a pattern of things I seem to do when I am sick.

1. Moaning constantly, I have discovered that the more I moan the better I feel as all of the healthy people in my house MUST know just how sick I really am. Going alongside this I must say that I think I am dying at least once a day.

2. Drinking water, I cannot normally stand the taste of water but what I have discovered is that all I seem to do when sick is drink the stuff. Maybe this is because I cant do much else.

3. I'm not sure if this is a general thing and I really doubt it is but when I am sick I find myself watching a worrying amount of animal documentaries. I don't know why this seems to happen but nevertheless it does and im not complaining I mean what better than to learn about the mating habits of lions while sick.

4. sweat A LOT. Being under my duvet means that I am basically in a furnace that is slowly draining me of all of my fluids, however as soon as I remove it I find myself covered in goosebumps and the constant shivers. I am very much like Goldilocks and must have everything 'just right'.

5. Fear fresh air, with fresh air comes sunlight and very much like the fictional vampires the idea of sunlight when I am sick is one of terror. In my mind the safest place to be is locked up in my bed with a duvet and closed curtains. I realise that not everybody has the ability to stay in bed, you know responsibility and stuff but I do know that regardless of that they wish they could!

Divergent

Recently I found myself at the cinema watching this movie, I went into this experience having not read the books and really with only watching the trailer once. However the hype around this movie and the love of the books that so many people had expressed did intrigue me. I find that when you go into a movie with expectations that high that it never really does justice, however reminding you that I have not yet read the books this movie has me hooked. I fully intend to read them, one of the most interesting things about this story is that it was created by someone who was the same age as me when it was written. I know that even though I have a keen interest in story telling I would not be capable of achieving what Veronica Roth has.

At times I did find the movie rather predictable but overall it kept me engaged and interested, this nowadays with the amount of similar books such as The Hunger Games which I certainly could see a clear comparison with I still saw that the elements that the story brought were new and innovative. The constant love then dislike of characters such as Caleb Prior left me wondering what my opinion would be at the end of the movie. I do believe that this book/movie has been greatly successful due to the era it has been released in where teenage audiences seem to be dominant within the literature and cinematic industry.

This movie I would say certainly appeals to a certain age range and had I been older or younger I feel that it may not have interested me as much as it did. Unfortunately this means that this movie may not be for everyone, and I also wonder as it is such a big brand in the US whether it really is going to take off here in the UK. The opening day certainly did not consist of long ques and full screens, however I do hope that people become more aware of it and go see it because it really is a good watch.

Speaking of the acting, I haven't really seen any previous work of the main characters played by Shailene Woodley or Theo James, I do however believe that they sold the story to me and as a huge fan of The Fault in Our Stars I am looking forward to seeing how Shailene takes on the polar opposite of Tris in her role as Hazel. Although after watching Divergent I am certain she will not disappoint and I will be picking up the books for a read and hope to see the other books in the trilogy made as well as this one was.

Fear.

Fear has become my biggest fear. This seemingly confusing statement has become one that I seem to be living my life by. Fear although abstract, holds the power to prevent wonderful things from happening, and lessons from being learnt.

Our biggest battles are against the enemies that we cannot see, the ones you don't see coming or can't ever seem to fight off.

Goodbyes suck, FACT.

I am a serious hater of saying goodbye, be it for a few hours, weeks, months, years or forever.
Unfortunately I am unlucky enough to be collateral damage of divorce, a side effect of divorce is saying goodbye. 

In my case its my sister and dad, I know its ridiculous to feel left behind when they leave but I can't seem to deal with it as well as I wish I could.
So every time they drive away, I force myself to feel okay. I tell myself that I will see them soon. Being on my own most of the time means having them around is something I get used to very quickly. I don't complain about living with my mum its brilliant but there is something about having your sister around to gossip with that you just cant replace.
My dad on the other hand is my comedic relief, he is who makes me laugh as soon as I need to.

Today I once again had to say goodbye for almost a month and I keep reminding myself that it is only just a month. That I am lucky enough to say that in 21 days I will be gossiping and laughing to my hearts content. 

The art of growing up

So I sent my youngest sister off to her first night out as a fully fledged adult. I know this seems sad but I spent my 18th drinking water and wondering what all the fuss was about. I do have to hand it to her she has grown up more than I ever thought possible recently. It seems that not only physiologically has she aged but mentally and more importantly she seems to have found something she loves and is finally being educated in it and we'll succeeding. Not many people including my cynical self thought that she would ever mature and achieve something and I'm  aware that is a horrid thing to say but she really was possibly one of the worst people for education. Me beings. School nut and loving the intake of knowledge meant I really didn't understand but now I think I do.

All I can say is that I know how much she hates me trying to mother her, but it is nothing but in my blood to ensure that she is safe, healthy and maybe now I realise most importantly HAPPY. A majority of the time I cannot stand her but I will always love her and want the best for her, seeing her grow up is terrifying but even though it may have been a little harder and certainly more troublesome than my transition to adulthood I could not be prouder of her.

Also the balloon's we used to keep her young were a reminder that even though she is eighteen now, she will always be childish when it comes to being goofy sisters, and well our mildly immature father. I wouldn't have them any other way, no really I wouldn't...