Finding HAPPY.

I've spent a lot of my life, well the 21 years I have had searching for my happy. Many boys, tattoo's, piercing's and career changes later I made the concious decision to stop.
That my happy wasn't spending my time searching for it, but rather appreciating what I already had and well being happy with it.

I have a lot to be thankful for, and this year seems to be setting me up for a lot more to come!
I have the greatest friends, who this year are going to celebrate finishing our first year at uni and moving in with a great human.
My family, who any time now will be welcoming another member, who i hope to be the greatest big sister too even though I am already a great big sister! Then to top it all off gaining yet more family with a beautiful wedding which I could not be more proud of. I could not be happier or more lucky to have a wonderful step father.
Then finally when I decide to stop looking for someone, fate threw him at me and well I welcomed it with open arms.

I guess the lesson I have learnt is that once you stop looking for happy, happy seems to find you!

Being me?

Feeling like a stranger at home is one of the most disconcerting feelings iv'e ever experienced.
everyone seems to be the person who has their place, class clown, sarcasm expert, lover, fighter, friend, foe. I seem to be... well just me.
I don't find myself being put into any of these brackets and recently this has become one, if not the hardest thing to accept. Everyone has a story and mines not interesting.

I'm not funny enough to warrant laughs, sarcastic enough to offend but entertain, beautiful enough to be fallen in love with, angry enough to fight, caring enough to be that shoulder or despicable enough to be the enemy.

Right now, the world is a place where I don't have a place.
Since coming to university I have rejected every stereotype of the experience:
"you know you just find yourself at university", I have heard this repeatedly for so many years that I was so expectant and excited to find myself and essentially find where I fit in, in society.
 "work hard, play harder" I find myself working hard but not "playing" as such, I mean how am I meant to do this when my idea of fun is a good John Green book.

Mcbusted... A lot of everything.

So the long awaited day has arrived and I can finally listen to the greatest combination of bands ever.. or so I thought.

Now separately I was a massive fan of Busted and McFly, really I was always more of a galaxy defender, however when I heard 'Air Guitar' I did allow myself to believe that this would really work!
Now I am not so sure, yeah its a genius idea I just don't think it worked as well as it could have.

The influence of Blink 182 is abundantly obvious, some tracks such as 'Air guitar' and 'Riding my bike' have the feel of Mcfly and a more pop essence, which I actually really enjoyed. However some songs such as 'Hate Your Guts' just didn't do it for me, I am all for bands trying new things I just felt the influence of the more pop Mcfly and the new (without Charlie) Busted just didn't mesh well and at times during most songs I found myself feeling like I was listening to two very different bands doing one song. I mean there was even some Son of Dork in there and really... we all know why that didn't last. It wasn't as cohesive as I expected and honestly there are a few diamond songs on there and I am sure the album will do well off the back of old Busted fanatics and Galaxy defenders..

I don't know about you, but i'm feeling 21

okay so I might be a year early for the Taylor Swift song, but today I am a internationally recognised adult...
It's somewhat strange to think that I am old enough to do everything, everywhere. I am not a birthday person, a whole day where people focus on me is not an attractive concept. I have however decided that I do like the idea that I have a whole year of extra wisdom. I don't feel 21 in fact I still feel 16 at heart.

I suppose thanking my mum is really what I should be doing today, I mean my part was easy she is the one who did the hard part. So I suppose thanks mum, for bringing me into the world 21 years ago today all I have done to deserve this celebration is last all these years.
So in true style I am going to drink and probably make a fool of myself because well, tomorrow im going to start being an adult...

Yeah right!

Why I chose to study English Lit and American Studies

I have been asked by family and friends many questions about my choice of course at university, mainly why American Studies if you want to work in publishing?
Here I am answering that question, choosing English literature was pretty normal to those who know me well, from a VERY young age I have always been fascinated by books and the idea of delving into a world somebody else has created.
I will be studying work from medieval time periods all the way to contemporary works, this nicely links in with the career I hope to have when I eventually finish! It gives me an all around view of literature through the ages. I have always been fascinated by work that pushes the boundaries of what was expected of those in their own time periods. Females that wrote about empowerment in times when they were expected to look pretty and cook for their husbands, when a male writes from the perspective of a female and visa versa.
But the question I get second to 'what is American studies?' is Why? This I think I can nicely sum up in a few short words.
I decided to take American Studies for the pure fact that it is an all around subject, there is politics, foreign policy, arts and culture and mostly history. Very much like I enjoy delving into the imaginations of others in books I find myself questioning the choices of others VERY frequently. With this subject I get to see the stark contrast of life in the UK and life in the US, not just from the perspective of those that run the country but those who make the country. The ordinary folks, those who chose to sit at the front of the bus, those who saw the pain inflicted on different races and never did anything about it. I want to know more about what makes America this idealistic place, Americans.

So it did not really end up being only a few short words, but then I never really was one to stop myself from talking and I don't think I ever will be.

Staying sain

There is a LOT going on, I have never been much of a list maker but recently all I seem to be doing is checking things off of numerous amounts of lists.
The thing that I never liked about lists is that I always seem to be adding things onto the end, therefore the list becomes never ending.
Normally moving to university would mean packing up all of the things that you want to take whatever you want with you, my family however decided that they wanted to move and this just so happened to fall the day before I move. So I find myself making lists of things to take to uni and things that need to go to the new house.
-------- Moved to uni --------

Okay so I am finishing this blog post while sat in my brand new room, I have awesome flat mates and really, even though its only been 2 days... I have really good feelings about being here and what the next 3 years are going to hold for me!
I know when I started this post I was not being the nicest about lists, however they must work as I did not forget a single thing.
Even though I do still find myself wanting to get a few bits to make it more like home and forgetting to get mayo for my tuna, I do feel like I am where I need to be.

I am finding myself scared of what is going to happen when the real work starts, but right now I am just making the most of the time that I have without any work to do and having the best experience before I am up to my eyeballs in English Lit and American Studies. 

The pitter patter of tiny feet

There are a lot of pregnancy announcements and tiny babies being born into my family at the moment. I can not say this is making me broody I am however a HUGE fan of cute babies that you give back at the end of the day!

This has however awoke something inside me that means I find myself spending lots and lots of time  in the baby clothes sections 'oooing' and 'awwing' at the tiny socks, shoes and oh... THE HEADBANDS.
Not being a 'baby' person for about 20 out of the almost 21 years I have been on this planet seems to have changed, and rather rapidly. About 6 months ago I found out that I was going to be an aunty, this caused a wave of emotion that really I wasn't expecting. I am very much like my mother and find it hard to show affection, however since my niece is due in just over a week I find myself excited to cuddle her and I think I am going to be that cool aunt who gives her sweets and sugar before she goes home :)