I HAD TO WRITE ABOUT THIS.

Its been too long since I posted on here, Moving house and not having the internet nearly killed me. This was mostly down to the fact that I read my now favourite book as im sure it is among most people. I cannot imagine anyone reading this book and not feeling changed.

I was in the middle of applying for university to study English literature when I read this book and just HAD to write about it. This solidified my belief that words are the most powerful form of communication. The intelligent language and captivating characters completely did it for me, the story is something of extreme tragedy but for every piece of writing that strikes at the heart strings there is an equally touching piece of humor to balance out emotions. John Green has rapidly become one of my favourite people and I cannot wait to purchase every other book he has blessed the world with. 

I do not know entirely how I feel about this book being made into a movie, especially because some of the actors that were cast were not my immediate first choices. However I will most definitely see the movie because I cannot imagine this story being told in a way that topped what I have already read.  I guess that we will see but until then I think I may re-read this book till I am convinced it cannot entertain me anymore. 

Growing up

Its getting to that time of the year, I have somehow become another year older and am no longer a teenager. The weather is getting cold... I mean colder than average in this abysmal country. BUT it is that terrifying time in which I have to send of my applications for university. I have actually managed to do this even though every single bone in my body resisted growing up, I think it has started.

Growing up seems like something that is ideal, you get to move out, drink, party, have no rules. All of this at the age of 15 where pretty much you are constricted to stealing your parents cigarettes and drinking WKD under the underpasses seems exciting. Then you grow up. You have to start thinking about life and all these important things like what you want to do, get a degree or a job. You have to think about where you are going to live and how you are going to afford of it. You think about having to make your own Sunday roasts, and to some of my friends and people I have grown up with it means looking after another human being you seem to have created. People my age having children always seemed weird to me until I realised that most of them are in their early 20's and this is considered normal. I then think, OH MY GOD, I have reached an age where it is socially acceptable to have children.  A WHOLE HUMAN BEING. The more I think about it, the more I realise its okay to be scared to grow up, its something that unfortunately is inevitable but making the conscious decision I have made is to enjoy going to university because that is the next step and to deal with growing up the only way I know how to... one day at a time.

My 'go to' sad song

When I feel sad I seem to listen to one certain song, now I don't know if this is something everyone does or just me but I listen to probably the saddest song I have on my itunes. I cannot work out if I do this to feel better or worse I sure know it makes me feel worse. However once my eyes are out of that salty gross stuff I feel better. My go to sad song is 'over you' - Miranda Lambert. I don't actually know why this song but no matter what the situation may be, this is the one I end up replaying for hours and hours.

The point of me writing this is to put down in a sort of contract-ish way that I will not go to this song any more. I have gotten to the point where I am tired of being sad. I am tired of feeling inadequate and have decided that having a sad, 'go to' sad song isn't good for the soul. My new 'go to' sad song is going to be ROAR by Katy Perry, this song is super empowering and I think that is what I need when I feel like im being buried in the rubble that is my life. I need to rise from the ashes and well ROAR. 

I still have a dream.

So today is the 50th anniversary of that famous Martin Luther King speech, you know the one about having a dream.
I completely respect the movement that this speech spear headed and even though it was plenty before my time I think that what he said and accomplished with his words is astonishing and I am proud to live in a world where I can go to school with others of different ethnicity's and I can learn about the various cultures that the world has to offer.

However, I cant help but think on this day that even though huge strides have been made there is still a HUGE prejudice toward certain people. What I am personally talking about is homosexuality. I think that we are progressing and taking steps forward but really we shouldn't need to have to work at this because what is there to think about?
Should we give gays the right to love and marry freely? HELL YES. what gets me is that this is even a question on peoples minds. How is it that some people are so ignorant that they would preach hate towards another human being.

The bible may state that homosexuality is wrong but it also advocates that we should all love each other, I assume that this is including those who love those of their own sex.
As a person, like im hoping all of you that read this are... When I happen to meet a new person I do not decide if I am going to start a friendship or enjoy someone's company by first asking about their sexual orientation. I get to know a person, not their partner preferences, If I decided that I was only going to be friends with brunette's or that only brunette's could get married the whole world would consider me insane. So why I ask is this any different from sexual orientation, the colour of a persons hair does not make them any nicer or meaner, what colour their hair is, is not going to impact my life so why should who someone loves?

The capacity to love wholeheartedly is a wonderful thing, and denying certain people the right to this is shameful. Love is Love.

Self doubt.

As an avid self doubter I have come to realise that many people at at least one point in their life seem to believe that they are not good enough or what they are doing isn't right. Recently this has been A massive issue for me in deciding what my future holds. We are all asked the question or even ask ourselves the question, where am I going to be in years to come? This has been playing over and over in my mind for a extended period of time and  have begun to doubt that I even know where, what or who I should be.
 However I know that I am only young and the idea that people who have been living for much longer than me still carry this burden makes me hopeful that there is time to change and yes knowing who you are or want to be is something that I am envious of.
I now have begun to realise that it really doesn't matter!
It really doesn't matter, this whole sentence and philosophy seems obscene and ludicrous. How can it not matter? Do you not have any hope?
The answer is that I do have hope and I am also very much aware that who I choose to be is completely up to me and I shouldn't be pressured to decide because I am the only one with the power to change myself, my life and my choices.
I'm not going to settle for what I think is easy just because im scared of taking chances, isn't that what life is about? taking chances and making sure that you can be pushed to the metaphorical ledge, because with risk comes reward and if it all comes tumbling down there is always a lesson to be learnt, Because lets be honest you never stop learning in life. Every single challenge you face is a chance to improve on yourself.
I am going to ensure that from now on, I do everything I can to be the best version of myself, I think if everybody did the world wouldn't be so harsh and cruel.

New places

As a person, I find myself getting increasingly harder to impress I mean entertaining me could be an Olympic sport and with getting older I of course find it harder to make something out of nothing. Now as I am almost 20 I dont think playing dress up and making a fort out of bed sheets and chairs no matter how fun, is something I am not expected to do. However, recently me and the father, uncle, sister and nan found ourselves on an unplanned trip to the Isle Of Wight.
Starting at a nice early time of about 9am we made our way to the ferry where I consumed my morning coffee, thank god cause this was going to be a LONG day. After the ferry got us to the Isle Of Wight it was time to decide what we were going to do, we decided on getting food at a cafe on the beach because it was now around 12 midday. We ended up in Ryde which is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen and I was already impressed to say the least.
Then we headed off to my pick of the day Seaview wildlife park, THIS PLACE WAS STUNNING. Even though the actual park was rather small it was in pristine condition and I got to meet and stroke some adorable wallabies!

Here is a unflattering photo of me with a wallaby (impressed)

So after all of this we went to some place called the needles and as an EX geography student I really didnt get the appeal! After this long day I feel I was impressed and would have actually liked to do more!

I came away with some good memories, new sunglasses and REALLY BAD SUNBURN.

Here is another unflattering photo but with my horrible sunburn that I hope will turn brown ;)

Overall I had a brilliant day and decided that new places can be fun and also WEAR LOTION :)

THE ZOOOO

I haven't been blogging recently cause so much has been going on with exams and travelling to spend some time with my fathers side of the family in Southampton. However I have been meaning to post for a while and haven't really had anything to talk about but I recently took a family trip to the zoo and discovered my love for a certain animal, in fact I would suspect that it is more of an obsession. The Meerkat. I have always thought they were cute but man, seeing them for real solidified that my spirit animal has to be a Meerkat. They were however at the beginning of our zoo journey and nothing else really caught my eye after that I was focussed on getting back to the Meerkats to join my people (animals).

If this photo does not make everyone's insides all tingle with love I have no idea what will!
Here are a few interesting facts:
Meerkats normally live for about 12-14 years unless in the wild in which their life span is reduced to almost half of this! 
Meerkats live in 'Clan, Mob or Gang' normally this will consist of about 20 Meerkats, and eventually ME. 
They can be found all around the world in places such as Kalahari Desert in Botswana, in much of the Namib Desert in Namibia and southwestern Angola, and in South Africa. 
Meerkats are primarily insectivores, but also eat lizards, snakes, scorpions, spiders, plants, eggs, small mammals, millipedes, centipedes
I dont know about you guys but I adore these little guys and going to the zoo was interesting as we also saw tigers, giraffes, Leopards, Penguins, monkeys, wallabies and lemurs so here are a few photos from my day at Marwell Zoo. 

PENGUINS

MR LEOPARD

MONKEY

GIRAFFES!

I did feel sorry for this guy, TIGER

WALLABY

And a REALLY CUTE LEMUR.