Things I never got to say to you

I never got to tell you that everything you taught me made and is still making me a better person,

I never got to say that inside your hugs were my favorite place to be,

I never got the chance to tell you just how much I loved you,

I never got the chance to tell you that even though you have been gone for 7 years I still make sure I live in a way that would make you proud,

I never got to say Merry Christmas enough,

I never got to say happy 56th birthday nanny,

Ill never get to tell you that I miss the sound of your voice, every single waking moment. 

New years resolutions

New year, New me. Every single year without fail these words come out of most people's mouths and each year I believe that releasing these ideas into the universe means I have to achieve them. Still it seems that every year I succumb to the tradition of well... failing. This year I decided that if I happen to want to become healthier, focus on school or quit some bad habits I will do because it is time to and that I feel comfortable enough to try.
New years resolutions are meant improve the person you already are, which to me seems like something that you should strive to constantly do. The last number rising by one, is this really a valid reason to FINALLY decide to change something?
So not because the 13 is now a 14 but because I believe that I personally am ready to make these changes, I decided to set myself goals, not only to complete this year but hope to keep improving on for the rest of my life.

I've also decided that my 'new years resolutions' are going to be mainly about the enrichment of others, be kinder, help my mother out more, spend more time with my family, remind them I love them, become healthier because I want to be around to see my sister and brother get married and have children.
The world is also full of darkness and if smiling at strangers, holding doors open or using my manners give someone a reason to smile, I have helped to add a little bit of light into so much darkness then I have succeeded in 2014.

My Top 5, 2013 everything.

5. The Fault In Our Stars. 

This book completely took me by surprise, I mean I knew the brief synopsis before I read it. I also knew about the Green brothers from their Youtube channel. However what I did not expect was to be so moved by the words of somebody else. This book actually solidified my belief that working in the area of literature was my path!

Anyway I wrote a whole post about this... find it here!

4. Equality/ Same Love

DOMA and the equal rights movement spreading and acceptance now being shown by law changes were felt universally. The atmosphere this year that has been to do with equal rights has been mostly positive. Even though there are certain places where terrible things have been happening to stunt the progression of this important movement, the darkness has been matched equally by light. Some of this light was provided by one of the most important and my favourite songs this year! Macklemore being brave enough to talk about a topic which normally in his genre isn't highlighted is not only brave but inspiring and I really hope this songs and the publicity it is getting helps people be more open and accepting... WORLDWIDE. 

3. Applying for university/the whole process

I will be the first person to admit that this process as im sure is applicable to everyone going through it was, tough, nerve wracking and almost the death of me. However saying this, it is one of the biggest things this year which has brought joy and the feeling of being proud of myself through and through. Not just for getting through the process alive and sane but because at the end of the seemingly endless tunnel there was a light. Getting into all of my choices was something this time last year and well even previous to that I thought not impossible but implausible. So YAY! GO ME!

2. Ariana Grande

Of course I knew about Ariana from Victorious... However when she released her debut album everything changed for me! I viewed her as a musician and by god is she talented. There is no song on this album I did not fall completely, wholeheartedly in love with. However if I had to name a few I would recommend listening to 'Piano' for a song to dance around your bedroom too! 'Almost is never enough' A stunning, romantic duet with my fellow Brit Nathan Sykes, both of the vocals on this are so beautiful and from Nathan a true representation of just what he is capable of. Ariana's vocal range is extraordinary, and even though there have been repeated comparisons to Mariah Carey, I think she has her own style and being someone who never really got the whole Carey thing. I do get Ariana, I think her music is able to strike a chord with all ages and genders. She has broken the barriers of niches and created a whole load of awesome melodic beauty to grace our ears with. If you haven't heard of her... Where have you been? Also don't worry too much because I can assure you 2014 is going to be MASSIVE for her. 

1. My Family!

Family and friends are the most important 'everything'. This year as many before and im sure many to come have been full of ups and downs, sometimes more downs than ups but one thing for certain is that with every year my love for them gets that little bit stronger. I am taught so many things by the people I hold dearest to me, whether that be new friends that have arrived this year or ones that have been here for all of my 20 years on this planet. Whether it be having a shouting match with my mother, cuddles with my sister, hanging out with my brother, laughing with my father or enjoying my youth with my friends there is nothing I could ever value more than the faith, support and happiness that they give me. "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." - Richard Bach

Left or Right?

Seems simple... so why is it that the option could possibly change who you are as a whole person.
The small choices in life that we don't think about are the ones that are most important, a choice such as turning left could mean that whatever is to the right is lost forever. The things that turning right would have been a foundation for are never going to happen, you will never know what would have been ahead of you.

Small choices however are something I have recently begun to realise I MUST NOT waste my time regretting. If at that point in my life I chose left there was a reason for it, if that happened to be the wrong direction there is no point in wasting time thinking about it because the honest truth of the matter is, I really truly will never know if it was the worst choice or whether turning right would have lead to worse things than turning left.

My point is that for me there is no time in pondering on what could have been because nobody really knows and if you spend your days looking back, you might not see the next choice ahead. 

I HAD TO WRITE ABOUT THIS.

Its been too long since I posted on here, Moving house and not having the internet nearly killed me. This was mostly down to the fact that I read my now favourite book as im sure it is among most people. I cannot imagine anyone reading this book and not feeling changed.

I was in the middle of applying for university to study English literature when I read this book and just HAD to write about it. This solidified my belief that words are the most powerful form of communication. The intelligent language and captivating characters completely did it for me, the story is something of extreme tragedy but for every piece of writing that strikes at the heart strings there is an equally touching piece of humor to balance out emotions. John Green has rapidly become one of my favourite people and I cannot wait to purchase every other book he has blessed the world with. 

I do not know entirely how I feel about this book being made into a movie, especially because some of the actors that were cast were not my immediate first choices. However I will most definitely see the movie because I cannot imagine this story being told in a way that topped what I have already read.  I guess that we will see but until then I think I may re-read this book till I am convinced it cannot entertain me anymore. 

Growing up

Its getting to that time of the year, I have somehow become another year older and am no longer a teenager. The weather is getting cold... I mean colder than average in this abysmal country. BUT it is that terrifying time in which I have to send of my applications for university. I have actually managed to do this even though every single bone in my body resisted growing up, I think it has started.

Growing up seems like something that is ideal, you get to move out, drink, party, have no rules. All of this at the age of 15 where pretty much you are constricted to stealing your parents cigarettes and drinking WKD under the underpasses seems exciting. Then you grow up. You have to start thinking about life and all these important things like what you want to do, get a degree or a job. You have to think about where you are going to live and how you are going to afford of it. You think about having to make your own Sunday roasts, and to some of my friends and people I have grown up with it means looking after another human being you seem to have created. People my age having children always seemed weird to me until I realised that most of them are in their early 20's and this is considered normal. I then think, OH MY GOD, I have reached an age where it is socially acceptable to have children.  A WHOLE HUMAN BEING. The more I think about it, the more I realise its okay to be scared to grow up, its something that unfortunately is inevitable but making the conscious decision I have made is to enjoy going to university because that is the next step and to deal with growing up the only way I know how to... one day at a time.

My 'go to' sad song

When I feel sad I seem to listen to one certain song, now I don't know if this is something everyone does or just me but I listen to probably the saddest song I have on my itunes. I cannot work out if I do this to feel better or worse I sure know it makes me feel worse. However once my eyes are out of that salty gross stuff I feel better. My go to sad song is 'over you' - Miranda Lambert. I don't actually know why this song but no matter what the situation may be, this is the one I end up replaying for hours and hours.

The point of me writing this is to put down in a sort of contract-ish way that I will not go to this song any more. I have gotten to the point where I am tired of being sad. I am tired of feeling inadequate and have decided that having a sad, 'go to' sad song isn't good for the soul. My new 'go to' sad song is going to be ROAR by Katy Perry, this song is super empowering and I think that is what I need when I feel like im being buried in the rubble that is my life. I need to rise from the ashes and well ROAR.