Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Becoming a sister... again!



Firstly, never in my life would I have expected to see my dear old mum give birth. Like ACTUALLY see it. But here I am sharing my experience with the world and what an experience it was.
So after waiting for 8.5 months, seeing big belly get bigger and feeling my little sister hiccup inside my mums tummy she was finally ready to grace the world with another beauty.

my mum has always been superwoman to me, since I was a young child I believed she had powers such as how much shopping she could carry when my poor feeble arms only let me carry the bread and a few tins. But as I got older I kind of stopped believing that, until March 23rd when my faith was restored and not only that I realised women who have children are all superheroes.
She spent 8.5 hours in labour and only 3 swear words came out of her mouth, which if it were me im sure it would be in the thousands.

Finally at 10.30am my glorious baby sister finally arrived, words cant really explain what seeing a tiny human being come into the world feels like. I mean I love my siblings but something was different, maybe its because im older now and have some life experience but whatever it was my instant need to love and protect her like she was my own kicked in.

I proceeded to change nappies, feed, dress, cuddle and adore this tiny human being. Without a second thought I would give my life for her. More than that it has brought me closer to my family, primarily my mum because I understand what I put her through and the experience of being with her when she did that can never be taken away from me. After the birth she told me "I am so happy you were here with me" hearing her say those words warmed my heart.

I am hoping to be the best big sister this time around, I am going to teach her right and wrong, be there when she is heartbroken, dance with her when she is happy and love her until I take my very last breath because well, that's what sisters do.

Friday, 24 April 2015

Fix me.

Second guessing everything? Well guess what I am too. Every once in a while I decide that every choice I have ever made up until this point was the wrong one. Normally I stay in this slump for a bit then realise I am being silly.
Sometimes I find that some choices ive made may not have been the best, however the majority of the things I worry about are pointless.
All of the worrying has really had me down this week, and no amount of support from those around me made me feel better. Until I spoke to my mother yesterday, and what you don't know about my mum is that she isn't the first person I would take life advice off. I love her to death but she isnt built for this sort of thing. However surprisingly she gave me a piece of advice as I cried my little heart out and demanded she fix my life.
"Only you can fix what is making you unhappy, only you can assure your own happiness"
Like WOAH mum, that little, rare nugget of wisdom took me back...
It also confirmed a big fear, that getting myself out of this slump isn't immediately fixable and that things ultimately have to be fixed slowly else they just fall apart again. Also not everything can be fixed at once, prioritising is important.

so right now im just trying to figure what to fix first and how to fix it, because super glue and sticky tape aren't working.